--- title: Unstuck & Unashamed | 6-Month Coaching for Gay Men description: Unstuck & Unashamed is a 6-month 1:1 coaching program for gay men ready to stop repeating the same patterns in dating, relationships, and self-worth. --- ![Unstuck & Unashamed](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/hubfs/Image%202026-05-03%20at%208.33%20AM.png) The 6-Month Coaching Program for Gay Men Who Overthink, Over-Give, and Are Done Performing a Version of Themselves That Isn't Real # You're not broken. You're just stuck in an old story. Finally break free from the patterns keeping you stuck, and build the kind of self-trust that doesn't depend on anyone else's approval — so that you can stop feeling lonely in a life that looks good on paper, stop picking the same guy in a different body, and finally feel calm when your phone buzzes. Past the overthinking. Past the people-pleasing. Past the version of you that shrinks to fit in. The real you is right there. This program helps you spot the patterns you keep repeating, choose new thoughts, and act differently — so that you stop feeling stuck, start attracting someone who's actually good for you, and finally feel like yourself instead of the version you built to be liked. Does any of this sound familiar? As a gay man, you read every room the second you walk in. You know how to be one version of yourself with your gay friends, another with your family at dinner, and a third at work. Swapping between them all day is exhausting, even when nobody else can tell you're doing it. You want to feel confident in who you are. But you spend more energy managing how others see you — gay and straight spaces both — than actually living your life. You want close, real relationships with other men. But showing the full version of yourself still feels too risky. So you hold back. You edit yourself. And you wonder why you still feel lonely in a room full of people, or invisible on an app full of guys. You know the drill before Pride, or before a trip where everyone's shirt comes off. Cut the carbs. Add another gym session. Compare yourself to every guy on the beach before you even get there. And even if you "get the body," the worry doesn't leave. It just finds something else to grab onto. You want to stop overthinking. But the spiral starts before you even notice it. By the time you catch it, you've already talked yourself out of texting him back, out of the date, out of something you actually wanted. You text him. He reads it. No reply. Now it's been four hours and you've checked if he's "online" more times than you'd ever admit out loud. By the time he finally answers, you've already decided he hates you. You want boundaries with people who take too much, drain you, or don't respect you. But the guilt kicks in the second you try, and you end up saying yes when every part of you wanted to say no. You want to feel enough — not "acceptable," not "impressive," just enough — not someday, but now. Because "not enough" isn't just a feeling. It's the promotion you didn't ask for. The relationship you didn't pursue. The guy you didn't let get close. **You're not lazy. You're not dramatic. You're not "too much."** You're a gay man who's gotten really good at shrinking, performing, and reading every room. It works, kind of. But right now, it's costing you your peace, your relationships, and your sense of self. Here's what's actually keeping you stuck "The reason the overthinking keeps coming back isn't weakness." The reason the overthinking keeps coming back isn't weakness. It's not a flaw in your character. It's because you're running the same three moves on autopilot. **Please. Perform. Protect.** They happen so fast you don't even notice. And every time you run them, the pattern gets a little stronger. Understanding the pattern isn't the same as being free of it. That's why the journal prompts help for a day. Why the affirmations feel hollow. Why you can know exactly why you're self-sabotaging and still do it anyway. The problem isn't your awareness. Most tips work on the surface. They tell you what to do. They don't help you catch the thought in the moment and choose something new. You've already tried a lot of things "Journaling. Mindset work. Self-help books. Maybe another gay dating coach or two." Journaling. Mindset work. Self-help books. Maybe another gay dating coach or two. And parts of it helped. You've grown. You know more about yourself now than you ever did. But the pattern keeps coming back. Same guy, different body. Same worry, different app. That's not a failure on your part. Patterns don't change from information alone. They change when you catch the thought, practice new skills, and start acting like the man you want to be. Starting today. **That's what Unstuck & Unashamed is built to do.** What if you could… "Wake up and not immediately start scanning for what might go wrong today." Wake up and not immediately start scanning for what might go wrong today. Say no without the guilt spiral that follows. And mean it. Have a hard conversation without rehearsing it 47 times in your head first. Catch the thought that used to run the whole show, and choose something different instead. Set a boundary with someone who's been taking too much from you, and not feel guilty for the next three days. Feel calm. Actually calm. Not "managing it," not "coping." Calm. Feel genuinely comfortable in your own skin — not performing confidence for other gay men, or masculinity for anyone else, but actually feeling it. Know your own power. Not the version you fake when you need to. The real one. Show up in your relationships as the real you, and have that be enough. And here's the part that surprises people every time: most of my clients come in hopeful but skeptical. They've been let down by "confidence tips" before. They're not expecting much. Then they get way more than I even told them they would. Calmer in the moments that used to throw them. Boundaries that actually hold. A sense of their own power they didn't know was in there. Not because I promised it. Because that's what happens when you change how you think *and* what you do. **That's not a fantasy. That's what happens when you practice new skills in real life.** Introducing ## Unstuck & Unashamed This isn't mindset hacks. It's 1:1 coaching that helps you spot your patterns, build new skills, and take action toward the life you want — so the change sticks. The Coaching Framework: Five Stages ## Clear Goals. New Skills. Real Action. 01 Recognize Spot your patterns. We look at what keeps showing up in your life right now: in dating, texting, friendships, and work. You name the patterns and the limiting thoughts holding you back today. Then you set clear goals for what you want instead. You leave with clarity and clear goals. 02 Reset Choose new thoughts. You learn to catch the thoughts that hold you back, check if they're true, and pick ones that open up new possibilities. Then you act on them. That's the 4C Method: Catch. Check. Change. Choose. You leave with self-trust instead of self-doubt. 03 Respond Stay steady under pressure. You learn simple skills to calm down in the moment: before a date, after a text, in a hard conversation. So you respond the way you choose, not on autopilot. You leave with calm, clear choices. 04 Relate Build better relationships. You practice setting boundaries, saying what you need, and saying no without guilt. You get clear on your values, so you choose people who are actually good for you. You leave with stronger, more honest connections. 05 Rise Live by your values. You decide what kind of man you want to be, and build a plan to live it. We create your 90-Day Plan together, so the skills you built keep working long after the program ends. You stop performing. You start choosing. This is a coaching framework. It's built for men who are doing okay day to day and want more confidence, better relationships, and real self-trust. It does not diagnose or treat any mental health condition or trauma, and it is not therapy or psychotherapy. What real people say "I'd give this a 10 out of 10." — M. Lucena "Before the program, I was confident in many areas of my life, but I still struggled with self-doubt, comparison, and the need for external validation — especially in gay spaces and relationships. At times I felt like I needed to adapt or prove myself just to feel accepted. Now, I feel more grounded and comfortable with who I am. I'm learning to trust myself instead of looking for validation, and I show up authentically without feeling like I need to perform or fit a certain image. The biggest shift for me was realizing I don't need everyone's approval to feel good about myself — I can choose how I show up, stay true to myself, and know that someone else's reaction to me doesn't define my worth. I'd give this a 10 out of 10, and I'd recommend it to anyone in the gay community who wants to build real confidence, depend less on external validation, and feel more comfortable being authentically themselves." — M. Lucena "Before working with Derick, I felt like I wasn't being treated with the level of respect I deserved — even in small situations — and it would get to me more than I wanted. I realized I was stuck in my own framework of rules, expecting others to think and act the same way I do, which just isn't realistic. Working with Derick helped me step outside of that. Now, I actually pause before reacting. I consider other perspectives instead of immediately taking things personally. Things that used to bother me don't hit the same way anymore — it feels lighter, and I'm not as reactive. His step-by-step approach made everything clear and easy to follow. It kept me focused and helped me make real progress. I feel more in control, more grounded, and way less affected by things that used to throw me off." — H. Kawamoto "Derick doesn't come with quick fixes or surface-level remedies. He listens deeply, and reads between the lines in a way that makes you feel not just heard, but truly understood. He has a rare ability to see people — to reflect back how you're actually showing up in your life, and gently align you with your own core values instead of someone else's idea of who you should be. His gift isn't solving your problems for you. It's holding space so you can rise into your own clarity and strength. Working with Derick is less about being 'coached' and more about being guided back to yourself by someone who genuinely, deeply cares." — E. McLaughlin "I've worked with Derick for almost a year, and it's been one of the most meaningful investments I've made in myself. Many of the issues that once felt overwhelming have been worked through with clarity, grounding, and real progress. Derick has a rare talent for spotting patterns you'd never catch on your own, and his insights have been invaluable. I've consistently felt seen, heard, and valued — and I wholeheartedly recommend him to anyone seeking a coach who is not only skilled and wise, but profoundly human in the best possible way." — A. Boghoshkan Why this matters more than it might seem 100+ Gay men coached. Not quick tips. Real change. I've coached over 100 gay men. Not quick tips. Real skills they use every day. Here's what that really means: a year from now, you're either still checking if he's online, still performing at family dinners, still picking the same guy in a different body. Or you're not. The pattern doesn't fix itself. It just gets more comfortable to ignore. This program isn't a tune-up. It's not a few new tools for your toolbox. It's the difference between **managing your life** and **actually living it** — calm, confident, and finally just you, everywhere you go. Is this for you? This is NOT for you if: ✕You're looking for a quick fix, a hack, or a better opening line for the apps ✕You want someone to tell you what to do, instead of helping you trust yourself again ✕You're not ready to look honestly at the patterns keeping you stuck ✕You want tips and tools, but you're not willing to go deeper than that ✕You want to work through past trauma or old wounds. A therapist is the right fit for that. ✕You're in a crisis or need mental health treatment right now. Please reach out to a psychologist or call Info-Social 811 first. This is coaching. This IS for you if: ✓You've been the "together" one on the outside — the successful one, the fun one, the one everyone comes to — while quietly struggling on the inside for longer than you can remember. ✓You're exhausted from performing. In gay spaces. In straight spaces. On dates. In your own head. ✓You replay conversations for hours, rehearse texts before you send them, and still wonder if you said the wrong thing. ✓You've done the work — books, podcasts, maybe therapy — and you understand your patterns. But your life still looks the same. ✓Success hasn't brought the confidence or peace you thought it would. ✓You've noticed the apps get quieter every year, and some part of you is scared of what that means about your worth. ✓You're ready for change that actually lasts — not another few weeks of feeling better before the pattern comes back. Why I built this "I know what it's like to look like you're doing fine on the outside while quietly feeling disconnected from yourself on the inside." ### Hi, I'm Derick I know what it's like to look like you're doing fine on the outside while quietly feeling disconnected from yourself on the inside. For more than 20 years, I read the books. I worked on myself. And I kept falling back into the same patterns anyway — people-pleasing, overthinking, needing validation just to feel good enough. Things changed when I stopped just reading about my patterns and started catching them in the moment. Then choosing something different. Over and over. That's the piece almost nobody talks about. And it's the piece that actually works. That lived experience, combined with my training as a Certified Life Coach, is why I built the Recognize-Reset-Respond-Relate-Rise framework. Five clear stages. No guesswork, no jargon, no wondering what to do next. I built it to take what took me more than 20 years to figure out on my own, and hand it to you in 6 months. I bring training to this work. I also bring something training alone can't give you: I've lived it. Every stage of this framework, I walked myself, the hard way, before I ever taught it to anyone else. I only take on a small number of clients at a time. This work deserves my full attention — not a fraction of it. ![Derick Hachey](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/hubfs/profile%20pic.png) Derick Hachey Certified Life Coach · Montreal How this actually works "With most coaching, you have to bring the topic." With most coaching, you have to bring the topic. You have to know what to talk about. That's a lot of pressure. What if you pick the wrong thing? A lot of people never even start because of that fear. You don't have to worry about that here. Half of each session, I teach you one simple skill. The other half, we use that on your real life — right now. You don't have to guess what to bring up. It shows up on its own. Every client comes in with their own story. But they all leave feeling the same way — calmer, more confident, finally comfortable being their real self. We don't just talk about the pattern. We practice what to do instead, and you take it into your week. You walk out knowing your patterns and what you want, with tools you'll use for the rest of your life. You catch the spiral before it starts. You calm down instead of spinning out. You choose partners and friends who are actually good for you. **We don't change you. We just help you stop hiding and finally show up as yourself.** What's included Over 6 months, here's exactly how we work together. ✓ 12 private 1:1 coaching sessions, 60 minutes each, every 2 weeks via Zoom — enough time between calls for the work to actually land ✓ Message support between sessions, so you're never sitting with something for two weeks waiting to talk about it ✓ The Unstuck & Unashamed Workbook, with guided exercises for each stage, so the work keeps moving between calls, not just during them ✓ A quick-reference guide, built for the moments you need it most — mid-spiral, before you send that text, right before a hard conversation ✓ Tools and practices built around your specific patterns — not a generic curriculum everyone gets ✓ A certificate of completion, because finishing this work deserves to be marked, not just felt ✓ Access to Stay Unstuck, the alumni plan, so you keep what you built long after the 6 months end This is completely private. Just you and me. No group calls, no cohort, no sharing your story with strangers. Everything we work through stays between us. What happens after 6 months? ## You don't finish and walk away alone. Most guys don't slip in the first week after coaching ends. They slip in month two. Life gets busy. Stress hits. A guy doesn't text back. And the old pattern sneaks back in, so quietly you don't notice until you're back where you started. **That's why every grad gets access to Stay Unstuck.** Alumni Only Stay Unstuck The Alumni Plan for Unstuck & Unashamed Grads A monthly check-in to protect everything you built. You run your life now. I'm your backup. ✓ One private 60-minute session every month, same as the program ✓ A quick check-in before each call, so we get right to what matters ✓ A recap after each call with your one focus for the month ✓ SOS email support for the moments you feel the spiral coming ✓ A fresh 90-Day Plan every 3 months, built together ✓ Free access to all my workshops The program changes the pattern. **Stay Unstuck makes sure the new way holds when life gets loud.** Think of it like the gym. You don't get strong and then stop going. You keep showing up, so you stay strong. This is how the change you made becomes the way you live. For good. **Stay Unstuck** is only open to men who finish Unstuck & Unashamed. I share the details near the end of your program. My pledge to you "I will never take you on as a client unless I genuinely believe I can help you." I will never take you on as a client unless I genuinely believe I can help you. Our first call isn't a sales call — it's me making sure this is the right fit for you, just as much as you deciding if it's right for you. I've watched this work over and over, with over 100 men who walked in exactly where you are now. I don't say that lightly. I built this program from my own life, more than 20 years of figuring this out the hard way, and I've watched it hold up for every client willing to actually do the work. I'm not interested in taking your money and hoping for the best. I'm interested in you actually getting there. If something ever isn't landing the way you expected, tell me. That conversation matters to me. Your trust means more than any transaction ever will. — Derick You might be wondering ## A few common questions Is this only for gay men? My work is designed specifically with gay men in mind, because so many of us deal with the same stuff — people-pleasing, overthinking, performing, feeling "not enough." That said, these patterns aren't unique to sexuality. Anyone who's tired of hiding parts of themselves can benefit from this work. If my story and approach resonate with you, you're welcome here. How is this different from therapy? Therapy is health care. It treats mental health conditions and emotional pain. Coaching doesn't do that. Coaching is for men who are doing okay day to day and want more. More confidence. Better dating choices. Real self-trust. I don't diagnose or treat anything. I don't work on trauma or the past. We work on what's happening in your life right now, and where you want to go. Lots of my clients see a therapist too. If you're struggling right now, therapy is the right first step, and I'm happy to help you find support. What makes Unstuck & Unashamed different from other coaching programs? This isn't something I learned from a textbook. It's work I built from living it myself. I know what it feels like to hide, perform, and feel "not enough" — and I also know what it takes to unlearn those patterns. Unstuck & Unashamed isn't quick fixes or mindset hacks. It's a step-by-step process that helps you catch the "not enough" thoughts and choose new ones, so confidence feels natural and lasts. What's included in Unstuck & Unashamed? Twelve private sessions over six months, a full guided workbook with worksheets where you actually work through your own answers, message support between calls, and a quick-reference guide for the moments you need it most. You're never left to figure things out alone — see the full breakdown above for everything included. What happens when the 6 months are over? You don't just get a certificate and a goodbye. In our last session, we build your 90-Day Plan together, so you know exactly what's next. After that, you can join Stay Unstuck, my alumni plan. We meet once a month to keep the old patterns from sneaking back in. It's only for men who finish the program. Here's the real question ## How much longer are you willing to stay in the same loop? [BOOK YOUR FREE CLARITY CALL →](https://meetings-na3.hubspot.com/meetings/derick/clarity-call) No pressure. Just an honest conversation about whether this is right for you. [Skip to content](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/unstuck-unashamed-program#main-content) - [Home](https://www.derickhcoaching.com?hsLang=en) - [My Program](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/unstuck-unashamed-program) - [About Me](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/about-me?hsLang=en) - [Free Resources](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/my-projects?hsLang=en) - [Blogs](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/derickhcoaching-blog?hsLang=en) --- Cookie Settings [Privacy Policy](https://www.derickhcoaching.com/privacy-policy?hsLang=en) ·  © 2026 Derick H Coaching. All rights reserved.